There and Back: A Vaccine Story

Dumb title, I know. Ironically, my youngest child and I are sick as I write this. Please excuse any poor writing or dives into overly poetic wording on my part. Blame it on the fever.

The vaccine "debate" is full of light and dark moments.

I first became a mom in 2001. Having been raised by an LPN mother, I never really thought twice about vaccinating my kids. It was just something everyone did. At the time, my infant son and I saw my family doctor. Each time he was seen, she would warn me of the risks of choosing to vaccinate him. Possible dangers ranged from pain and fever all the way down to autism or poisoning him. Slowly, I started to question the idea of vaccination as a way for society to protect our most vulnerable from the horrid deadly diseases of the past. The more our doctor explained about how vaccines are not necessary anymore, thanks largely to good hygeine and better nutrition, the more I became convinced that vaccination was not right for our family. I stopped it all by the time he was 5 months old, firm in my belief that no other children I might have would be subjected to Big pHARMa's money making scheme of poisoning our children via vaccination.

My husband (then fiance) begged me to switch our son's care to his childhood pediatrician. I think Mr. P. began to suspect that I was not having the shots done. After a few months of "discussion", I made the switch. At our first appointment, I made it clear we would not be vaccinating, now or in the future. We were sent on our way afterwards with stacks of CDC printouts, pamphlets, and the admonition to "think over your choice, for the sake of your child". I promptly threw all the propaganda in the trash.
 In 2003, our second child was born. By then I had my husband backing me up in my no vax stance. As many of my friends who read my old blog know, not long after his birth we had a DCF case opened against us. Making a long and painful story quite short, my sons were removed from my care when they were 3 years old and 10 months old. They spent a year in foster care. During that time, their foster mother continued bringing them to our pediatrician but began having them vaccinated. I was furious but felt backed into a corner. Getting the boys home was my priority. I could always resume our natural lifestyle once they were returned to me.
When we regained custody of our children and our case was closed, we stopped going to the pediatrician entirely. No poisons for us, thanks. We did our best to minimize the damage we perceived done to our kids by making sure they had lots of healthy foods, sunshine, and of course love. Vaccination never came up again in our home until 2010.
In 2010, we finally became pregnant after 3 years of heartbreaking secondary infertility. I chose an OB for my prenatal care, and ultimately chose a repeat c-section for her birth. Mr. P. and I had many talks about how to protect our sweet baby from all the typical newborn protocols including Hep B vaccination, "eye goop", vitamin K shot, and heel pricks. Most important to me was to be able to breastfeed her, as I hadn't done so with my sons. The week before she was born, we decided that advocating for her birthright to my milk ASAP was more important than what all they may do to her before we came home. Once my spinal wore off, our new blessing never left my side. I beat myself up over the shots and tests she received but vowed that she would never be put at risk again.
Having surrounded myself with Christian women who believed strongly in the values of home birth, natural living, and attachment parenting, I had plenty of support for my choice not to subject my children to unnecessary and invasive medical procedures. Looking back, my mother was pretty irritated at my insistance that medical care was only about monetary profit, not health and well-being. By the spring of 2011, I found myself in the middle of a huge shift. Suddenly I was taken in by a new group of friends when my previous group shunned me for speaking up about home birth. This new group was very vocal about vaccines for young and old alike. I kept quiet, but began reading every link they posted. Articles such as this (rebuttal to common antivax beliefs/questions), this (CDC on the effects of stopping vaccinations), and this one (an excellent break down of common arguments in the vaccine debate) opened my eyes and now serve to strengthen my belief in the value of vaccination. Many trips to our library and more than a few intra-library loan requests later, I began to question the wisdom in denying our children access to appropriate preventive medical care. In the fall of that year, we began vaccinating our kids.
So there we have it. Full circle in a mere decade. I still worry if I'm making the right choices for my kids. I still closely monitor them after each new round of shots. But I'm proud to say that our daughter is now on schedule, and our boys will be as well after their next appointment. As I said at the top of the post, we've got a virus running through our house. Being the easily panicked worrywort I am, as I stayed up with my 19 month old who is spiking a fever, I had to keep reminding myself "she's safe, she's vaccinated, it's just a cold". And what a relief that is!

Do any of you out there in internet land have a tale of antivaxxer turned proud vaxxer? Frustrations over winning minds to the side of safety? Share it with us in the comments!